Holding on to Agnes Martin's grid

I have been dragging my feet all week, hoping I can slow down time, not get to Monday. I just want to skip Monday. I cannot watch the inauguration. I am going to scream. And yet it will happen of course - what is my despair and denial going to accomplish? Not much.

The day I found out I was pregnant with my daughter was January 6th 2021. It was a particularly crazy day for such a revelation. A violent insurrection was raging, a mob of election deniers had stormed the US Capitol, attacking a pillar of American democracy, this country was being torn apart and I was pregnant. Two weeks later, fully experiencing the nausea and fatigue of the first trimester I watched the inauguration of Joe Biden, I listened to Amanda Gorman’s words, soothing, healing, filling me with hope - where can we find light? she asked. I was so tired I couldn’t paint or make sculptures in the studio. All I could do was sit at my desk and draw grids, inspired by Agnes Martin, holding on to these clear lines to find guidance and sustenance. So next week, I will take my daughter to Moma to look at Agnes Martin and silence the screams in my mind. And I will get to work.

Earlier this week I attended a gorgeous concert of the musician Ganavya singing Les Filles de Illighadad. On stage, between two songs, she told a story about her grandmother who refused to iron her sarees so the fabric on her lap would remain soft for her grand children to snuggle against her. ‘May her softness be in my voice, may her softness find itself in our lives’ said the singer. I love that image. I have been thinking all week about the things we do to keep the fabric of our families soft: draw and paint grids to stay sane, smooth fabrics with our hands to make room for a child, stay close to those and to what we love.

Les filles de Illighadad listen to this beautiful album, it’s a balm to the soul

THE SLIP: The New York City Street That Changed American Art Forever, by Prudence Peiffer - a great read and wonderful chapters on Agnes Martin.